Bloggy blog blog?

I really did forget about this corner of the internet that I made so long ago... it's both nice and strange at the same time. Although it didn't take me long to mess around and update this... however I will try polish it a bit when I am not so needing of sleep!


Talking of sleep: I really should be in bed considering at 11am I am suppose to be taking my partners brother to job centre. (Although at this rate I might just do an all nighter and stay up using energy drinks!) Annoyingly stupid Skyrim and mother nature have decided to screw with me! -shakefist-


Yes Skyrim makes me stay up til stupid of o'clock thinking to myself "I'll just go to this town." or "I'll just finish this quest." I do so but then just get sucked into more quests and places to go it isn't even funny! Thus I lose track of time and then before I know it most of the day is gone and what I wanted to do hasn't been done. Grrrrr!


Then if it isn't Skyrim messing with me it's my body! My body has decided to be annoying. How annoying? Well lets just say I have been on my period for a few weeks now. Although I am glad I am having "normal" period flow instead of the heavy I used to be, it does stop it being any less annoying! Especially when you have anemia. >(


Then again feeling as I am is my own doing. If I was a good girl and took my folic acid like the doctors told me to I probably wouldn't feel so weak, shitty and have a messed up sleeping pattern. I'd probably most likely be able to concentrate and get shit done too. :(
I think what isn't helping my mood on top of being ill is a number of things. Mainly three people who are suppose to be my friends being not so nice to me when I speak to them lately.


Two of them made me feel miserable for being engaged, and the other is just distancing themselves away from me. (Still trying to figure out what I said/did to piss them off so much that they'd just not really respond to me...)


I am suppose to be happy right now but all I feel is annoyance, confusion and fustration thanks to them. It makes me so sad and mad and just ugh! That at a time when I am suppose to be happy; others are bringing me back down to dark town. :( 

Last Wednesday my partner of almost seven years proposed to me (In a rather cute manner I might add!) and I accepted. (All tearful.) I would be happy right now and probably for the next few years... but right after (intentionally or no) one of my friends got all upset and depressed. At the time they were all "Oh I am happy for you I really am... but" (yes the but.) She then went on a rant which made me feel bad for even changing my Facebook status from "In a relationship" to "Engaged." Since then it feels like she has been (intentionally or not) punishing me for being engaged on and off. What doesn't help matters is her relationship has gone down hill of late... so -le sigh- thee Tengu doesn't have any right to be happy!

It makes me annoyed and frustrated. That she chose to take a romance path that would make her miserable. She even acknowledges as such. (When is the right mindset) Yet for the first time in years when I am happy, I get pulled down and made to feel bad for being happy.


As a result of her little rant I held back not announcing it on the forum we frequent, and in holding back forgot to tell a few people. I stupidly assumed since all my friends have me on Facebook they would see the update in relationship status! But no this is where the issue with the other friend friend comes in.

The other person I told a week late first was all "congrats... but" (Yes the "but" word again) proceeded to go off on one at me for not telling her sooner, and made me feel bad for not telling the whole world about the engagement. When I said I assumed she saw on Facebook once I changed it, that wasn't good enough and should have found a way to tell her sooner. She then went on to ask if one of my closet friend knew, told her no since I forgot. Then before I could explain anything or tell him myself she was all "Oh ok well I just told him..." I was speechless. Here was the most happy announcement a couple can announce... and it hadn't been ruined by one person... but torn to shreds by another person. When I tried to explain she didn't really seem to care and was all "Well you should tell them to go fuck a goat!"


So those instances made me feel really bad, in a point in time when I should feel happy! I mean I have been to hell and came back with a tattoo showing my strength. I deserve to be a happy women after all this time. So those two who are suppose to be my friends doing that to me... I just. -sigh- I am now past the initial emotions that I felt at the time and have been feeling the past few days. Beneath all what I felt... I don't think they know that they actually hurt me or how much. 


Intentionally or not... I feel like they pretty much poked me with a hot poker. I'll heal but the soreness and sensitivity of the burn won't go for a while. 


The thing is two other of my friends were very nice about it. One of them congratulated me and said he figured I'd been unofficially engaged for years now. But thought it was great that I was now engaged and happy for me. The other who is in a long distance relationship congratulated me. Then upon spilling my woes to them before this post, confessed it made her feel a little pinch inside due to her circumstance... but she was very happy for me, and said I deserved to be happy after everything the both me and my partner have been through together. 


So if these two friends who have been there for me since I came to the internet can be happy for me and not make me feel crappy... then why can't the other two people who are suppose to be my friends? It truly does baffle me...


Then there is the last one.


I stood up for him when everyone turned on him, gave up being a streamer and have been a general good friend. But since I accidentally spoiled the plot of an anime called "Mirai Nikki" for him, he's been off with me. Slowly but surely distancing himself. Now he doesn't even speak to me any more. Or if he does he is rather iffy with me. 
I am clueless to what I have said or done to upset him... but my god is he making me question our friendship. Perhaps after dealing with todays shit I'll ask. That's if he'll bother responding to me... =/ 


I guess one thing that will always bug me; A lot of people in my life are so bipolar it isn't even funny. If they aren't happy and helping me, they are making me feel miserable. Great huh? (And people wonder why I am so messed up? lol!)

I guess one thing I have to look forward to this weekend is professional wrestling friend of mine is taking me training with her. She isn't well enough to do the training herself yet, but she knows I want to lose some weight and thus is taking me to Dropkixx wrestling gym in London. So yay pain? D:

Anyway going to stop writing this since I really need to get SOME sleep and I have been sitting her typing away for god knows how long. :(


Goodnig- oh it's morning now. Er... awkward... fuck it. Goodnight all!


~FemaleTengu~


xxx